I’m starting to write a little about my faith as I travel around Australia and the challenges that seem to follow me as I go. Those of you that know me already know that I’m not into religion or church politics. I simply believe in Jesus. Regardless of whether you’re a person of faith, girls are usually a big thing for guys.

I’m a young single bloke… I think about girls and I’m pretty sure that it’s normal.

When you’re in the traveling scene, you meet girls everywhere (In the photo above, I’m chatting to a group of German backpackers in Canowinda, NSW). The best part? They’re all into having fun and enjoying life. To me, this carefree and fun loving attitude is very attractive and it’s common ground. Add to this that you’re away from home, that there’s nobody keeping you accountable and that traveling on your own can get lonely. All up,it’s huge temptation on one of my moral boundaries, of not playing around with girls. The church calls thissexual purity.

Saving sex for marriage is a pretty cool idea. That said, if any pastor or church leader has ever made you feel like crap because you’ve had sex outside of marriage, ignore them. God already knew you were going to make that choice anyway. Remember, Jesus is in the business of forgiveness. Also remember that forgiveness doesn’t remove the consequences. Your choice might have repercussions that you’ll have to work though.

A Christian view of sexual purity shouldn’t be about what you have done, it should be about what you have committed to for the future.

Aside of the marriage thing, I don’t believe in one-night stands and sleeping around. I value the idea of it being in a committed relationship (If you’re Christian, this should read as marriage).

I’m just a regular bloke but I must be reasonably interesting because sometimes, things progress forward when I don’t have those intentions. I always like to make excuses at this point in time to convince myself that just this once is okay. If you’ve been in a similar situation,I’m sure you’ve thought the same! It’s a hard place to be.

Now there’s not much point of talking about the problem without considering a solutions so here’s how I fight those desires to get laid like the rest of the blokes in my dorm.

Drink less: This is my first recommendation and I think it’s a pretty good one. It’s amazing the things you end up doing after a few scotches or beers. They’re not always things with a bad result either. Getting it on with a hottie can’t be that bad right? In reality, it’ll probably be better doing it sober anyway. So drink less and make clearer decisions.

Take a different view: I have a younger sister and one day, I might be a parent of a daughter. In both these roles, I’m protective and there is no way I would want to see my younger sister or daughter sleeping around and having one night stands.

The girl I’m talking to has a father and I wouldn’t like to face him after screwing around (literally) with his daughter.

On the other hand, in both roles, I’m happy to support any bloke that’s willing to commit time to my sister/daughter to build a real relationship.

Consider your boundariesbefore you go out: I’ve found that by concisely going out with pre-thought boundaries makes it easier to not focus on chatting up that babe at the bar.

I have a lot of respect for every girl I meet and I think I’m better off for it. I certainly have some great female friends and one day, I hope to meet an incredible woman to call my wife. I have no idea when that might be but for the time being, I’ll just keep enjoying my life as a single bloke. The freedom to work on my car every weekend isn’t going to last forever!

At the end of the day, I know that I’m not perfect. So far I’ve managed to keep true to what I believe and the boundaries that I’ve set but if I do over step them, I hope I can read this and not drag myself along over it.

These are my thoughts but I’m super curious, what are your views on sex outside of a committed relationship? Is there a difference between social and moral boundaries?

3 Responses

  1. That you have a set of standards you’re trying to adhere to Korske, isn’t a bad thing. If there is any one thing that really matters in life, it’s to be true to yourself, and your true nature.
    After a lifetime of quite substantial contemplation, I have arrived at some profound realisations, and I’m beginning to share some of my insights with others. Oddly enough, nothing I’ve come to understand is new. Most of it is very ancient wisdom that is plastered everywhere you look, but simply don’t see.
    An important thing for you to consider is that unconditional love can’t by it’s very nature be judgemental. You are the one that sets standards and values for yourself based on your beliefs, your understanding of those beliefs, and what you’ve been taught those beliefs mean.
    It is you who judge yourself, and others, against those standards. I know you’ve been taught that God is your judge, but unconditional love by it’s very nature is not capable of judgement. By it’s very nature it accepts all things as they are, and doesn’t categorise this thing as good, or that thing as bad. All things are, and each serves a purpose, and one of those purposes is for us to know our true nature. Our true nature is perfection, for we all, have been created perfect.
    Read Matthew 7:1-5 very carefully and slowly. Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

    What this passage is really saying, is don’t judge yourself. To understand this, what is the opposite of judgement? The opposite of judgement is acceptance. Acceptance is unconditional love, and this is what Jesus was really trying to teach people. You can’t love anyone when you don’t wholly accept yourself as you are. And what exactly are you?
    Among other things, you are a human being. Humans are by and large very sexual beings, and denying that aspect of yourself is denying who and what you are.
    Don’t judge yourself for being human. Accept yourself as the perfect being that you are. How can you be anything other than Korske? You can’t be Jesus, nor can you be like Jesus. People assume from scripture this is what is being asked of them. It isn’t. What’s being asked of you is not to judge yourself or others. The example Jesus set was not to judge others. He never judged himself, and that is how he was able to accept others unconditionally and not judge them. This is the example you’re being asked to follow, and it must begin with yourself.
    When you understand this very important concept, the world will begin to change for you. When you wholly accept yourself without conditions, you will wholly accept others as they are. You will enjoy the experiences life sends you without trying to assess whether they are good or bad, whether you should enjoy them or not enjoy them because of some standard you’ve set for yourself.

    When you meet the right person, you won’t judge them. You’ll accept them the way they are, and love what they are. You must do what feels right for you, but in saying that, when you accept your true nature, you will accept life and it’s events for what they are.
    You are capable of very sensual experiences, and when those experiences are right, in and of themselves, they don’t devalue you, rather they enrichen you. If you engage in sensual experiences with someone because you are insecure, unaccepting of yourself, and seeking external validation; those are all the wrong reasons for that experience. This is a typical worldly reason for the pursuit of intimate relations. It has very little to do with any kind of love. Not even self love; rather self loathing.
    When you understand your true nature, understand that you Korske are a perfect creation as is, then _any_ experience you have will enrich you. You Korske will be capable of unconditional love of yourself and others. You won’t judge them, because you don’t judge yourself. Under those conditions, when you encounter someone who accepts who you are, and likes you to the degree that they feel the desire to share something deeply sensual, it will work. You are capable of that experience without judging yourself or them, and it will be deeply moving, as you’ll be capable of immersing yourself in that moment, and accepting all that it has to offer you.

    It would be great to catch up the next time you’re in Canberra. I enjoyed our last coffee, and I’m sure there’s a great deal to catch up on.

  2. Shane, I am not sure I agree that acceptance is unconditional love, but maybe…. I think it is very rare to find someone who loves totally, unconditionally, fully. Obviously not all parents do, as there are so many children, growing and grown who have struggled feeling unaccepted by their parents. Most of us marry with the idea that there are things about this person I don’t necessarily like, but in time I will change that. Friends can come and go because of many reasons but sometimes it’s because of something they have done, or show themselves to be.

    I believe it is ok to judge ourselves otherwise how do we see to grow, how do we know we have grown but for judgement. I think it is ok to see ourselves as not perfect, because we are not, and will not be while we are here on earth. I think we should love and embrace who we are and have assurance that we are children of God.

    Korske, I admire your standards and agree with your perspective on respect for yourself and for the women you encounter. Yes, we sometimes fail, and thankfully we serve a forgiving God, who asks us to do the same of ourselves and of others. Sex is a very intimate, personal coming together and when experienced in a loving committed relationship with God at the centre is like nothing else we as humans can experience. God bless.

  3. Keep on with how you are living life, I think the boundaries you have set yourself are honouring what God has ordained. While it may be tough at times the purity you will bring to marriage is again, God-honouring, and will shine in our self-gratifying and ‘have-to-have-it-now’ world.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Posts